Guess What??
We're Totally High
(Alert)!! | Happy 9/11, Everyone!! It's an ORANGE ALERT!Please see the chart below for how to run your local Office of Homeland Security's Color-Coded Alert System. Pardon all the reddish-yellow-orange LIGHTS of FEAR, it's just that time of year again - Pre-Election 'Popularity' and Military Spending Justification Day. Lucky Us! It's also Populace Control Through Fear Day. How else could we remind you who holds your very safety in their palms? If it weren't for the diligent efforts of the Administration hoards of rabid curved-sword weilding jihadist devils would be absconding with your wife and/or children right now! OK, so the Admin hasn't really DONE anything yet besides spend tax money on their friends (SCORE!). But we sure are closer to talking and threatening and secret arresting our way to safety - you'll have to just trust them on the details, national security and all that. If it helps, you can measure their success by the number of people's whose rights are violated. The American people have always said that they'd give up freedoms for safety. Who knew that the Sum of Reduced Freedoms is actually the MEASURE OF SAFETY?! If it's time to have your rights violated, be sure to thank the government clerk they send for making you feel so much safer, OK? |
